The Nerve of my Face!

Well blogpeeps, I ran into a bump in the road in my quest to fill you in on my jaw journey.

In preparation for my surgery, I learned about the fact that my nerves would be damaged during the reconstruction of my jaw.  I was told about the risks involved, such as having some permanent numbness in my face.  I was told that the worst part of the immediate post surgery experience was the feeling of pressure, which was true.

After the surgery, my face was truly numb.  In fact, I was told by my nurses (I have NO recollection of this) that in the first few days after the surgery, I kept touching my nose and asking "WHAT IS THIS?"  

So I was delighted when about a week after the surgery, my face started tingling.  It was actually a pleasant sensation.  By the end of two weeks, I could feel my cheeks and chin when I touched them, with only one clearly numb spot on the left side of the bottom of my chin.

Jump to day 21 after the surgery.  You know that spot on the left side of the bottom of my chin that I couldn't feel?  I started feeling ALL THE FEELS!

I'm not going to lie to you blogpeeps.  When nerves regenerate, it f**king hurts.  The good news is that it means I am regaining all the sensation in my face.  The bad news is that around 4pm each day since June 11th, I have wanted to crawl under the bed in my lovely recuperation cottage with a bottle of tequila and cry.

And of course I can't.  Well, of course I can cry, but I can't have the tequila.  I CAN have Tramadol in limited quantities.  It dulls the pain, but does not make it go away.

So, I have not felt up to writing any blogs that talk about the time leading up the surgery, or the surgery itself, or my wonderful doctors who are helping me through this journey.

Instead, I am going to spend some time talking to you about food.

For the first two weeks after the surgery, I was on a liquid diet.  Ever single thing I drank had to be blended and then strained.  Even broth.

Blogpeeps, here is a very sad truth about this phase of my recovery.  On the 10th day on the liquid diet, I actually salivated when watching a dog food commercial.  

Also, I may the only jaw surgery patient in the history of jaw surgery that spent the entire time I was on the liquid diet watching the Food Network.

So at my two week appointment, when my doctor told me I could switch to a blended diet, I actually clapped my hands like a seal.

I then did what my nurses tell me every single patient does after they get this welcome news.  I made a beeline to a decent grocery store and threw anything that looked good into my cart.  Anything.  Because anything can be blended in a Vitamix.

I love my Vitamix.  I want to marry it.

Why is a Vitamix the only blender you will want to purchase if you are going to have jaw surgery?  To find out, you must watch this:

Are you done?  Good.  Thank you for following instructions.  Now you will understand this analogy.  A regular blender is the switchblade the guy pulls on Mick Dundee.  And the Vitamix?  It's the machete Mick pulls out in response.

My Vitamix and I have had some adventures trying to satisfy my finicky palate until the day I can move to the next phase of my recovery.  (That would be the "soft chew.")  

And since I am recovering in the fruit and vegetable paradise that is Santa Barbara California, this has involved some food adventures for this east coast girl.

Stay tuned blog peeps!  If you are interested in learning how to turn every single food group into a bisque, you are in the right place.

The Ballad Of Judy's Jaw-Or, the Surgical Expedition of 2013

Hello Blogpeeps, long time no see...

But, I have a good excuse.  In fact, I have a doctor's note.

I had surgery.

A long planned, complex, life-altering surgery.

And since I'm on medical leave and finally have my sense of humor back, you are going to get to hear all about it.

It starts with a picture...

My airway

See the little black shape?   That was my airway.  And it was not supposed to look like that.  

And until May 22nd, I did not know what it was like to take a normal breath, or sleep without fear.

It's why I've spent the last three years preparing for a surgery that required a leap of faith and a trip from Vermont to California so I could be in the hands of the right surgeon.

So stay tuned for my journey.  And if you know of anyone with sleep apnea, point them my way.  Because I can breathe now.  And nothing will ever be the same.

An Angry Poem about Cancer

Fuck you Cancer, fuck you hard;
You've dealt my friends a shitty card.
I hate you with my every breath;
It's you that should be facing death.

That's all I have to say.

A Bad Poem About Trees

I'm driving home, the trees are bare;            

The leaves have fallen down.                        

I see the kites stuck up in the the limbs;       

I think of Charlie Brown.                              

You Too Can STILL have a TV Boyfriend-2012 Edition

It's been about a year since I introduced you to my TV Boyfriends.  And you liked them.

So, it's time to update that list.

First, let's review and update last year's rules. 

To qualify as one of my 2011 2012 TV Boyfriends, you must possess the following qualities:

You must bring something to the table beyond your looks. Well folks, this has been a tough year and my standards are not so high. It's helpful if one's TV Boyfriends are more than handsome meat puppets, but this year, I'm settling for easy on the eyes.  And hoping for the ability to act. 

You must have appeared on my TV in 2011 2012.  Re-runs are fine and made for television movies count.  Movies that have played in a theater and then made it to my TV don’t.  This is because Jason Statham is my Movie Boyfriend and he would get jealous.  Still true.  Also, this is where I confess that I have watched Jason Statham in that piece of trash Death Race at least 10 14 times.  I am worried about my I.Q.  Still true.

You must not, to my knowledge, be a douche bag in real life.  The easiest way for you to be a douche bag is to cheat on your wife.  You know who you are David Boreanz. And you too, Josh Duhamel.

You must be alive.  If you read my blog you know that I was a huge fan of Spartacus actor Andy Whitfield, who died in 2011 of non-Hodgkin lymphoma and that it broke my heart when I had to take him off my list.  

But something cool happened in 2012.  Click on the link below to learn about Andy's documentary film, "Be Here Now." 

Andy Whitfield's Message Lives On

Now let's check in with our TV Boyfriends of 2011:  Nathan Fillion, Christian Kane, James Marstars, Sasha Roiz and Craig Ferguson. 

Did they do anything new and interesting in 2012?

Well, in the case of Sasha Roiz, the answer is a resounding yes.  Judging from the image searches run on my blog, Sasha (may I call you Sasha?) has a huge fan base in support of his role as Captain Sean Renard in NBC's so-bad-it's-good show, Grimm.

All women want to reform me.

In fact, Sasha Roiz inspired one of the most entertaining Twitter trends of 2012. 

I'll leave you to think about that for a moment.

Craig Ferguson got himself a brand new studio over at CBS.

You never know what is going to show up behind that new red curtain.  My favorite red curtain moment from 2012 was Alton Brown's mad (food) scientist appearance. 

"We are probably going to be injured, or killed."

 

 

James Marsters narrated two audiobooks that made it into my library in 2012. 

This book is AWESOME.

 

This book is not AWESOME, but didn't suck.

However, he was absent from my TV screen, which is an error that must be corrected.

Christian Kane continued his run on Leverage until the series was cancelled (Boo!), with the last episode appearing on TNT on Christmas Day.

I don't know about you, but I think it is time this bad boy shows up on True Blood. Who's with me?

And Nathan Fillion? 

Well, right now he's on my naughty list for refusing to hold twine.  Yes, I said twine.

IN WHICH EVERYONE HOLDS TWINE EXCEPT NATHAN FILLION. AND JERI RYAN, BECAUSE SHE HOLDS A SPATULA.

Now it's time to announce my 2012 TV Boyfriends. 

New TV Boyfriend #1 stars in my new guilty pleasure show of 2012, the CW's "Arrow." 

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame!

 

The show is unabashedly over the top and Stephen Amell is fun to watch as the ever so serious vigilante superhero.  In the first episode, Amell performed something called the "salmon ladder," hoisting himself up a series of rungs using a metal bar.  He can swim upstream to me anytime!  (Insert groan here.) 

 

New TV Boyfriend #2 managed to do something I thought could not be done.

 

 

Liam McIntrye stepped into Andy Whitfield's role and managed to make Spartacus his own, while still being respectful of Andy's legacy.

 

TV Boyfriend #3 is new to me, but probably not to you.  I was very late coming to the Fringe party, only catching on when I was home sick for two weeks last month and did a four season marathon on Amazon Prime.  The acting on this show is phenomenal and a good deal of the show's heart comes from Joshua Jackson. 

 

I can't believe you didn't watch me on Dawson's Creek.

 

Now that I am caught up with Season 5, I don't want it to end. 

 

TV Boyfriend #4 comes from across the pond.  (Extra points if you know why this is funny.)

 

On first glance he's a skinny, mild mannered, poorly dressed Englishman. 

 

Just wait until you see me in a Centurion's outfit.

But from the moment he stepped on the Tardis, until his very last scene in 2012, Arthur Darville's Rory was the heart of Doctor Who.  And who wouldn't crush on a guy who waited 2,000 years to see the love of his life again?

 

See, I told you so.

 

TV Boyfriend #5 first appeared on my screen in 2011.  But in 2012, actor Richard Madden took a role that was barely written in George R.R. Martin's book, A Clash of Kings, and turned the character of Robb Stark into a compelling hero in Season Two of HBO's Game of Thrones.

Sigh. 

 

In Martin's books, it is Robb's half-brother, Jon Snow, that receives most of the attention.

I know nothing.

But in the series, it is Robb Stark that comes across as the more noble character.  This is a credit to Richard Madden and I am really looking forward to seeing more of his work.

 

Well that's a wrap folks!  Last post of the year.  And the last post before tax season.

 

Tomorrow we'll engage our annual ritual of the watching of the Chronicles of Riddick...

And The Game Goes Into Overtime

...and introduce a new movie into our New Year's pantheon...



Can you spot my movie boyfriends?

 

Happy New Year Blogpeeps!!!! 

OF CABBAGES AND KINGS, PART II

I posted an entry yesterday that I ended up taking down because it was silly.  I had composed the blog in my mind several days before posting it. After I posted it I regretted it almost immediately.  As the day went on yesterday I became more and more depressed about the innocent lives lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School and silly just did not cut it.  So I took down the entry.

Later I read a response to the tragedy that was originally attributed to Morgan Freeman.  It has since been determined to almost certainly have come from someone else, but the response itself is brutally true:

"You want to know why. This may sound cynical, but here's why.



It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single 'victim' of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.



CNN's article says that if the body count "holds up", this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer's face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer's identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don't sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.



You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news."

This afternoon while I was driving, I was thinking about the inspiration for the title of my blog entry.  It was the poem, The Walrus and the Carpenter, by Lewis Carroll.  I had not read it in years.  When I got home, I looked it up online.  I also found a great deal of discussion on the internet as to whether Carroll's intent in writing the poem was to criticize religion and/or politicians.  

But when I read it, I immediately thought of the Oysters in Carroll's poem as the young victims of the Sandy Hook shooting, setting out on an adventure and not returning.  

And I wept.

And suddenly, I connected the response above with the poem below.  The Walrus and the Carpenter are the Media.  They have eaten our children.

The Walrus and The Carpenter

Lewis Carroll

(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"


The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead--
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?


"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

OF CABBAGES AND KINGS, PART I

I posted the blog entry below the day after the horrific shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

My way of dealing with pain has always been to turn to humor.  In fact, many of the healers I study with have emphasized the important of turning to amusement when dealing with adversity.

However, I realize now that many people may not be ready to deal with humor, and in fact, may find it offensive.

So, for those of you who are not in the mood for a silly post, skip this one.  I've added a second, more serious part to this blog entry, which can be found here:

http://www.udesfoodforthought.com/2012/12/of-cabbages-and-kings-part-ii.html

For those that would prefer their coping with straight amusement, here's the original blog post:

Hey blogpeeps!

My blog had its first birthday this week.  For those of you reading this, I thank you!

As you know if you've been following my misadventures, I've been to NYC.  

I left with cabbages on my mind.

Why?  Because everyone on the Upper East Side seems to decorate their houses with this stuff:

Let me just say right here that ornamental cabbages creep me right out.  So as I walked the streets of NYC last week, a thought came to me.  

If you roll over ornamental cabbage with a lawn mower, do you end up with ornamental coleslaw???

CLICK HERE TO MOCK JUDY

Now onto the Kings...if my blog is one year old, it must be time for me to announce my TV BOYFRIENDS OF 2012!

But you'll have to wait, because I am finishing a final paper for my class.  

Until then, please enjoy last year's post...

THE POST THAT STARTED IT ALL

Then ask yourself, who should stay on the list?  And who should be added?  Stay tuned!